I received a comment today that was not from a family member or a friend. This comment was in relation to the recent entry about Kai's bedtime routine. I have been going round and round about what, if anything. to do about the comment. You have probably assumed (rightly) by now that it was a negative comment. The commenter suggested that it is wrong for a two year old to nurse and that an adult Kai will be appalled that this was something that happened. They brought into question my nighttime parenting.
I am sure that you are probably wondering what this stranger felt they had to contribute. Well, here it is: "I am glad that you are nursing a two year old to bed and that you are so proud to admit YOUR family doesn't have a problem with it - but trust me, when your son is grown and he is told he nursed until he was over 2, HE himself will have a serious problem with it. Get over yourself and your boobs. Teach your child how to fall asleep on his own, please..... "
The way that Jake and I have chosen to parent Kai regarding sleep has no impact on the life of anyone outside of our home. If we are content with our nighttime parenting, then there is not a problem.
As far as breastfeeding Kai is concerned, I find it ridiculous to think that Kai would be emotionally or otherwise harmed by extended breastfeeding. I find it even more ridiculous to think that someone would imply that nursing Kai has to do with some sort of personal agenda; something that I subject Kai to for my own pleasure/ego/etc. However, I thought that there might be some friends and family who wonder what benefits Kai's continued nursing bring. Personally, I would like to share that Kai will fully wean at a time that he is ready. I do not wish to fully wean him prior to that time.
The American Association of Pediatrics states that breastfeeding should last for at least a year and longer as mutually desired. The World Health Organization states that breastfeeding should continue for a minimum of two years,
Unicef agrees with this statement. In most areas of the world it would not be uncommon for a child Kai's age to nurse. Among Kai's peers he is not the only two and half year old who is nursing. In fact, more of the children his age that we know nurse than do not.
I am thankful for so many reasons that Kai has continued to nurse. He is at a high risk for allergies and asthma due to a strong family history of both. Nursing is protective for him in this department. Kai eats like a two year old; liked foods are hit and miss and constantly changing. Nursing allows me to relax about what his intake is because I know that he is receiving nearly half of his protein requirements, a quarter of his caloric intake, plus a substantial amounts of fat and vitamins. Kai is rarely sick and recovers quickly when he is ill. Nursing him through illness provides him with antibodies, nutrition and hydration in a form that is gentle to his ailing system. Nursing gives me peace of mind. Nursing gives Kai a healthy connection to me as his mother. It allows us time to reconnect during busy days. Nursing gives me reason to slow down and enjoy my child.
I would like to share the following article written by Dr. Jack Newman:
Breastfeed a Toddler - Why on Earth?
Jack Newman, MD, FRCPCBecause more and more women are now breastfeeding their babies, more and more are also finding that they enjoy breastfeeding enough to want to continue longer than the usual few months they initially thought they would do it. UNICEF has long encouraged breastfeeding for two years and longer, and the American Academy of Pediatrics is now on record as encouraging mothers to nurse at least one year and as long after as both mother and baby desire. Breastfeeding to 3 and 4 years of age has been common in much of the world until recently, and breastfeeding toddlers is still common in many societies.
Why should breastfeeding continue past six months?
Because mothers and babies often enjoy breastfeeding a lot. Why stop an enjoyable relationship?
But it is said that breastmilk has no value after six months.
Perhaps this is said, but it is wrong. That anyone can say such a thing only shows how ignorant so many people in our society are about breastfeeding. Breastmilk is, after all, milk. Even after six months, it still contains protein, fat, and other nutritionally important and appropriate elements which babies and children need. Breastmilk still contains immunologic factors which help protect the baby. In fact, some immune factors in breastmilk which protect the baby against infection are present in greater amounts in the second year of life than in the first. This is, of course as it should be, since children older than a year are generally exposed to more infection. Breastmilk still contains factors which help the immune system to mature, and which help the brain, gut, and other organs to develop and mature.
It has been well shown that children in daycare who are still breastfeeding have far fewer and less severe infections than the children who are not breastfeeding. The mother thus loses less work time if she continues nursing her baby once she is back at her paid work.
It is interesting that formula company marketing pushes the use of formula (a rather imperfect copy of the real thing) for a year, yet implies that breastmilk (from which the imperfect copy is copied) is only worthwhile for 6 months. Too many health professionals have taken up the refrain.
I have heard that the immunologic factors prevent the baby from developing his own immunity if I breastfeed past six months.
This is untrue; in fact, this is absurd. It is unbelievable how so many people in our society twist around the advantages of breastfeeding and turn them into disadvantages. We give babies immunizations so that they are able to defend themselves against the real infection. Breastmilk also allows the baby to be fight off infections. When the baby fights off these infections, he becomes immune. Naturally.
But I want my baby to become independent.
And breastfeeding makes the toddler dependent? Don't believe it. The child who breastfeeds until he weans himself (usually from 2 to 4 years), is generally more independent, and, perhaps more importantly, more secure in his independence. He has received comfort and security from the breast, until he is ready to make the step himself to stop. And when he makes that step himself, he knows he has achieved something, he knows he has moved ahead. It is a milestone in his life.
Often we push children to become "independent" too quickly. To sleep alone too soon, to wean from the breast too soon, to do without their parents too soon, to do everything too soon. Don't push and the child will become independent soon enough. Whatнs the rush? Soon they will be leaving home. You want them to leave home at 14?
Of course, breastfeeding can, in some situations, be used to foster an overdependent relationship. But so can food and toilet training. The problem is not the breastfeeding. This is another issue.
What else?
Possibly the most important aspect of nursing a toddler is not the nutritional or immunologic benefits, important as they are. I believe the most important aspect of nursing a toddler is the special relationship between child and mother. Breastfeeding is a life affirming act of love. This continues when the baby becomes a toddler. Anyone without prejudices, who has ever observed an older baby or toddler nursing can testify that there is something almost magical, something special, something far beyond food going on. A nursing toddler will sometimes spontaneously break into laughter for no obvious reason. His delight in the breast goes far beyond a source of food. And if the mother allows herself, breastfeeding becomes a source of delight for her as well, far beyond the pleasure of providing food. Of course, itнs not always great, but what is? But when it is, it makes it all so worthwhile.
And if the child does become ill or does get hurt (and they do as they meet other children and become more daring), what easier way to comfort the child than breastfeeding? I remember nights in the emergency department when mothers would walk their ill, non nursing babies or toddlers up and down the halls trying, often unsuccessfully, to console them, while the nursing mothers were sitting quietly with their comforted, if not necessarily happy, babies at the breast. The mother comforts the sick child with breastfeeding, and the child comforts the mother by breastfeeding.
And also the following link: Extended Breastfeeding
And also this gem from Amalah: "Anonymity! Breeding cowardly jackassery since...oh, probably the beginning of time."
After sitting on this for a couple of days, I think I am ready to hit the publish button.
Naked rock throwing.
Fun times bundled up in the constant misty rain at the campsite.
On one of many exploratory walks around the campgrounds,
One of several attempts to get a shot with all the boys, on the dock, looking at the camera.
When we woke up on Sunday morning, the sun was out!
Kai and friends enjoying hot cocoa.
All warm and cleaned up from the morning lake play
Kai sat with Baby Micha for a bike ride that lasted just over an hour.
